I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
