I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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