he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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