my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
