Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
