walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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