So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
