WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
