hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
