one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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