he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
