I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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