I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
