And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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