yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
