I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize