You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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