Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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