yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
