Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
