All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize