no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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