you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
