oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
