She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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