I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
