It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
