i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
