We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
