I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
