I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
