im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
