i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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