tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
