i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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