Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
