it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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