You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
