She said her name was "party"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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