so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
