hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
