So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
