i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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