So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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