Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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