I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Bring me that man meat
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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