he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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