I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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