i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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