the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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