you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
