somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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