he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
