I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
