we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
