i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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