We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
