I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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