You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
