We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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