how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize