I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
