my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
