It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
