went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
