i just google imaged poop.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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