Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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