I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
