I heard we made out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize