dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
