Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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