I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
