i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
