I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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