If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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