Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
