Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
