Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
