please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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