lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
