My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
