dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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