i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
