I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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