I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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