Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
