I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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