Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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