i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
