nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
