i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
