I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Someone signed my nipple.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
