Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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